We are on a Journey. A Journey of love and frustration. A Journey of finger pricks and cupcakes. A Journey of Type 1 Diabetes...The Journey of a lifetime!

Friday, September 21, 2012

April Blues

I was feeling down.  Feeling tired, under-appreciated, overworked, underpaid, hormonal etc etc.  You Mom's out there know what I'm talking about-you D-Mom's especially! I wanted nothing more than to just have a day to myself.  A day free of demands and time lines and filled with a pedicure and Mexican food. 

My husband and I were coming up on our anniversary of 9 years.  He had been saying he had something special for me and I knew it was going to be just what I wanted.  So what do you think it was?

A spa day or a quiet romantic dinner?  Nope.  It was a book and a card.  I thought you have to be kidding me!  This is not what I wanted or needed but I kept that to myself.  I thanked him and continued to sulk.  I didn't want to even look at the book.  It was a book about Diabetes after all and I needed a break from it all.

Weeks went past with this book on my nightstand.  I'd look at it and think about opening it but I didn't.  Another two weeks went past and I grabbed it to give it a quick once over...I read the first page and I shut it immediately.  This book was a Diabetic's Mom Memoirs to her child.  It was all to much.  This is what I wanted to escape. 

My husband asked me days later how I liked the book.  I told him I wasn't ready to read it quite yet.  As he nodded his head he told me he knew I was dealing with alot.  He told me that he wanted me to know that I wasn't alone and that other mothers out there deal with the same things if not much more.  His hopes were that this book would inspire me to start blogging again.  Very nice Larry.  Nice thing to say but I wasn't ready.

Late one night-I opened the book and forced myself to read it.  How was it that this Mom knew exactly what I was feeling?  I cried as I flipped through the pages.  My tears were full of regret for not appreciating this gem that my husband had gifted to me.   How did he know that this was exactly what I needed?

My husband who doesn't say much has been a constant in my life for 9 years.  Who am I kidding? He knows me very well.  He knew exactly what I needed.  And so-it's this book and my Larry that helped me get through an April of the blues.  It must have worked because I'm back blogging again.

Oh Boy...Glucagon

Diabetes.  It never sleeps or takes vacation.  The schedule is grueling. But the reward?  Saving your child's life EVERY DAY.  I guess in the whole scheme of things how many people can really say that?  I can. 

However, even with a payout like that I find myself always thinking of the impact on my sweet Sydney's life.  Every three months that goes by and we get another good A1C-I feel very fortunate.  I often see headlines of other children gone too soon from his horrible disease.  It's hard to isolate yourself from that.  Can you imagine how the parents of those children feel?  Perhaps they slept through the 3am check because of pure exhaustion? Perhaps they were rushing and gave the wrong insulin dose for dinner? Only to wake up in the morning to the unthinkable.  My job as Sydney's mom comes at great cost.

You see diabetes management is like walking a tightrope.  Too much insulin=low blood sugar and too little insulin=DKA (both of which can be deadly).  There are things that I'm always telling myself I may have to do-but hadn't yet. One of those things that scares me is administering Glucagon for low blood sugar. Every year our Glucagon expires I'm so grateful. 

Well-my day came.  Sydney had just gotten over a round of antibiotics.  Her sugars where yo-yo'ing all over the place.  On Thursday night they seemed to stabilize so I sent her to school the next day.  I received a call at 10:30 in the morning from the director saying she had a really bad low...somewhere in the 30's.  EEEEKKK!  I told her to take off her insulin pump, treat the low and re-check.  She gave carbs and rechecked...40's.  More carbs....40's....More carbs 30's... I arrived to the school and I took one look at her and knew it was coming.  The "eyes glazed over" look.  The "not with it" look.  She started talking oddly and not making sense.  Even though I felt helpless, I knew my time had come.  I quickly assembled the glucagon pen and mixed the solutions.  With one swoop I gave her the shot and headed immediately to the ER. 

I expected her to vomit (side affect of Glucagon) but she didn't.  On the ride there she was eerily quiet and kept trying to close her eyes.  I pulled over to check her again...70.  REALLY!?!? 70 after Glucagon?  They admitted Sydney right away. 

After 3 years of pumping-they insisted on MDI's (Multiple Daily Injections) while at the hospital.  Yep 7 or more shots a day.  They wanted to rule out that her pump wasn't malfunctioning.  A night spent in the hospital checking sugars round the clock was torture but at least her numbers were good.  I was glad to get her home and resume pumping.  But my opinionated Sydney informed me that she wanted shots from now on.  GREAT!  Not really.  I told my 4 year old she had a choice to make.  Pump or shots but it had to be one.  Shots were not exactly the easy road for an active snack happy toddler.  But-my girl was sure. 

For three months she received shots and seemed happy to have no-carb snacks between meals.  The amount of cheese and pepperoni she consumed was unreal.  But for three months she didn't have to wear a pump and worry about others asking her what it was.  Three months and 630 shots later she was ready to put her pump back on. 

The lessons learned in life have a profound affect on everything.  Sydney never complains about getting shots or blood sugar checks.  Honestly, I've learned my courage from her. If she can take this scary and unpredictable disease in stride than so can I. 

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Hello From the Land of the Living

Well....I'm BACK!  I really haven't gone anywhere I've just been a whole year busy with stuff.  You know-Life and Diabetes.  So what's new with us?

Sydney is doing great!  She is 4 going on 20 and I just adore her.  My days are full of her hugs and kisses from morning to night.  I swear she has grown 3 inches in a year.  She transitioned from 3's to 4's at school, which has been a major adjustment.  We had a low blood sugar scare a few months ago and she refused to put her pump back on.  So for 3 months we were back to MDI's (multiple daily injections).  Now-I'm happy to report that she's back on the pump!  More on that on another post. 

Bryce is doing great as well!  He started first grade and absolutely loves his new school.  He's growing up so much everyday-becoming so responsible and he has the best sense of humor.  Some of his favorite things now are science and reading...I just love him!

Larry and I are doing well too.  I just got over a horrible case of Pityriasis Rosea which was so much fun...er NOT.

I've just started sewing again-and not sure why I stopped really.  It brings me such peace.  I turn on Pandora and before I know it 2 hours have passed with just me and my sewing machine.